We have been busy....good busy though.

***Our lives got super busy and we got wrapped up in living it so
some of these are out of order but still makes for fun reading. ;)

This past week we went for our second POAC surfing
event of the year and loved it. The families, volunteers
and weather all made it the "must be place for the
Autism set of NJ". We laughed, frolicked and played while
feeling the quiet contentment of acceptance. Which
isn't always easy to come by when you have an Autistic
child and surprisingly enough so many people still just
don't understand.

You didn't have anybody who thought they were being
helpful telling your "typical" child they couldn't surf because
it was only for the "special kids".....aren't they all special?
They said as POAC always does....siblings get to go too!!!
Yay!!!

I'll admit it I was nervous my two small 40 pound kids could
get whisked away by a rip tide or stung by jelly fish. I bucked
up and said you'll never know until you try and jumped in with
both feet. Our son is fearless of the water and it's a constant
on my mind every second of every day. He was in Heaven
when they took him out into the waves. He smiled and squealed
as he "rode the board". To my crazy, over-protective delight
they never actually let them go into the surf alone. Ahhhh.....no
constant watch for rip tides sweeping them away and being
prepared to pounce. I got to relax, take pictures and enjoy my
kids while they enjoyed themselves.

Our daughter is a completely different kid.....this one cries if she
gets water in her face in the shower. No exaggeration when we
wash her hair the people in our neighborhood must think we're
killing her. She yells I can't breath or help me!!!! DRAMA!!!!!
LOL It's all part of what makes her such a special girl though.

Well she was a trooper and even though she was leery she
wanted to try. She even did a great job and of course never missed
a photo op even while drying every spec of water that splashed
up on her face. LOL She hooted and hollered for her brother on his
rides in the surf.

At the close of the day I asked her, "what did you think" and she
replied I can't wait for the next surfing event so William will smile
and laugh again like he did today. I tell you this girl is so sweet and so
selfless so much of the time. Sassy might be her middle name but
love and compassion are her first and last names.

A special thank you to Mark of No Flat Earth in Brick, NJ our proud
sponsor!!  The gift you give our kids is something nobody's negative
comments can ever steal away from them.  Kudos to you and your team
Mark!!!!!!!!!

Good still does prevail............

I have been super busy and keep thinking I should blog about
this or that. Then I find 8,000 other things that need do be
done & I forget about it again. Today I'd really like to tell you
all about this nice man I've gotten to work with via my charity
position.

I've only ever spoken to this man on the phone but I'll tell
you what....there are still people with good, generous hearts
left in this world. This realization couldn't come at a better
time when I've been confronted with some other situations
lately that make me think mean people suck.

Okay so back to "my friend" who called the charity up and
said I am blessed to have typical kids but I would like them
to learn tolerance and to see that not everyone is always the
same. He asked if he could give us money to throw a party
so his family could join us and meet our kids. Well the emotion
of knowing that this man knows my child is different than his
but he still wants his kids to play with him just overwhelms me.
It encourages & reassures me that there is still good left in
this world. He has an employee who has an Autistic son and
he simply wanted me to find a party his "buddy" would enjoy
and he can bring his children to as well.

I got him a bunch of prices and sent them along with a little
note thanking him for even considering doing something like
this for my child and all of the others our charity services.
Before our son was affected, we didn't understand how Autistic
parents felt outcast & ostracized by others. You get almost
self-conscious of people staring because maybe your child is
screaming, crying, stimming or writhing around on the floor.
This man and his family are like a breath of fresh air to our
families and I told him that. I told him how blessed that
employee was to have an employer like himself who cared
enough to give of his own time & financial resources to all of
these kids. I thanked him for all of us Autism parents for
trying to become part of the solution and planting the seed of
acceptance for our kids.

I know that this man's money will have been well spent &
he'll feel it in his heart when he sees all of the smiles & hears
all of the squeals of joy from our beautiful kids. Any man who
gives that to an Autistic child should walk a little taller because
he's a man of great character & generosity.

Invitation to the Board of Directors.....

Recently, I received a phone call from a man who I think just may have the biggest heart ever. It was the President of Parents of Autistic Children, a New Jersey charity. My husband & I have thought this charity is just fantastic since we found them. Then we had the pleasure of meeting Gary, it's President and we knew then why it was so special.

That day's phone call was not at all what I expected. I thought oh good maybe they're finally going to take me up on my offer to help fund raise. During my professional career I had the opportunity to organize several charity events and it felt so fulfilling. Honestly, I was missing the stimulation of working even though I cherish every single day I have at home raising my kids. No that day Gary was calling to invite me to join POAC's Board of Directors.

I can tell you I was shocked!!!!!!! Then I was so proud I thought I might burst. Naturally the first person I wanted to tell was my husband. Now I've always known he thought I was a real catch...LOL but that day I saw the pride in his eyes too. He often tells me how much he appreciates how hard I try for our son and all I sacrifice for our kids. Then I called my parents to tell them & what a great feeling. Being the 3rd child of a group of well educated, accomplished kids in my family it's always been tough to be extraordinary. That day I heard the emotion in my parents voices when they told me how proud they were of me & how perfect I was for this position. I was perfect for this!!!! The best part was my daughter's reaction...she gave me a big hug and told me she knew I would help all of the Autistic kids. Awwww!! My sweet girl.

Well I gladly accepted and am having a great time already. If you haven't done any charity work I would suggest it for everyone. My husband & I watched Gary & the other board members in action at the recent 9th Annual POAC Family picnic. That man & his team put smiles on peoples' faces & they remember names, the kids' names and boy when I grow up I want to be just like Gary. He always makes everyone feel welcome, encouraged & supported. What more could an Autism mom ask for out of life? POAC is a place where you finally find something free (Autism is NOT cheap to treat), feel supported & encouraged while also receiving valuable information & training.

Moms need support too........

I've been talking with alot of moms of Autistic kids lately because I was planning a little bridal shower for my son's teacher & I've been out in my community doing some more advocacy work lately too. We all agree this battle isn't easy but we're all so incredibly blessed to have these beautiful children in our lives that we aren't going to stop fighting. Our angels need us!!!

I try really hard to stay positive & move forward with our fight & my son's journey back from Autism. I like to hear other people's stories and learn what they each have to teach me. I've always been a people person and I believe this will be one of my single most helpful traits in this battle against Autism. I'm far from shy & I have a great capacity for empathy so this is why I think people feel comfortable sharing their plights with me. I also let the other moms know that I understand what they're feeling, thinking, living, fearing and as a result it all just comes pouring out. It is okay to hurt and mourn the "what could have beens" or fear the "what will bes" for our kids. Please don't let anyone tell you differently!!! There will be days that you just need to cry it out so that other days you can bolster yourself back up again and get back on the front lines fighting for our kids.

We all need a safe place to fall like Dr. Phil says and too many other parents who have not and will not walk a mile in our shoes are so judgemental. Lately, its been upsetting to hear that some of the local "moms groups" have actually asked the moms of Autistic kids not to participate in their activities. WHAT??????? Its a moms' group started by moms for moms .....but they're turning away moms? How is that possible in this day & age? How could people be that closed minded that they would turn a child who has a disease that is helped through socialization with typical peers? Its not contagious!!!!!!!!! It is also not right. It is times like these that I wish I could go right over to the homes of the people in charge of groups like and have them look me in the eye & tell me my child isn't welcome. Then I remember God puts people like that in our way so we can build up our own personal resolve & vow to not give up the fight.

Are there really parents that would perpetuate this kind of ignorance amongst other children in this day & age? Instead why not use an interaction with an Autistic child as a lesson in tolerance, acceptance & patience. In closing I would simply like to say that my door is always open and I won't turn your child away even if they do come to my home with ignorant ideas and attempt to exclude my child from their "typical" play. I can't guarantee that I won't have changed their minds by the time they leave my home and have taught them a bit more tolerance than they learned at home. I can tell you this though.........the day won't EVER come that my child would turn their back on your child no matter how different or lacking in compassion they might be. Children are our futures and the future holds a huge Autism population each of whom will need a friend.

When Angels pass through your life........

We've had an Angel pass through our lives & touch our hearts. We moved into my husband's Grandfather's old house after he passed away and shortly after our arrival we met our neighbor's Bea and Tyler. They lived next door to each other around the corner from us & had adopted each other. They had often visited my husband's Grandfather while he was housebound and came to meet the people who were taking his place. We too would soon be adopted by this angelic pair.

Bea was a true blessing in our lives while we had her. She was a former Nun who left her order to marry the man she fell in love with and become an Occupational Therapist. Tyler was a boy who lived next door to Bea with his Grandparents that was affected by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Bea had taken Tyler under her wing from the time he was 18 months old and worked with him to help overcome his physical deficits. He flourished under her care. Soon you couldn't even tell he had any type of issues the way he ran around with all of the other kids & played baseball. She was his rock when his Grandma suddenly became gravely ill and died. They did all sorts of stuff together all the time. She got him to eat veggies & took him on trips to expand his horizons. They went on adventures and learned all sorts of interesting things together.

Bea always had a kind word for each neighbor and would often be seen heading off to prayer meetings, church or Yoga on the beach at dawn. She would accompany the neighborhood widower (also a widow herself now) to dinner and go out dancing with her friends. She helped rescue stray cats and ensured they would be neutered to help control the stray population. She took in other cats who needed homes and loved them like her own children.

She was my Angel in so many ways. She would often pop up at the door just when I needed a couple minutes for myself to take the kids for a walk. Or would always scoot around the corner to stay with the sleeping kids while I ran to store or picked my daughter up from preschool. There were times it was almost as if God had sent her. She never judged if the toys were all over or if I was still in my pj's at 11AM. She would simply say "motherhood is God's work but even mommy's need a break". How true that was!!!

Never did a negative word come from her mouth and anytime she heard of others struggling she'd say quietly; "I'll pray for them" and she did. Her faith was inspiring. She would tell the kids wonderful versions of the Bible stories and encourage such excitement & faith in them as well. She never complained and always found the silver lining in every cloud. Her love would just surround everyone around her and there wasn't ever a time she didn't welcome anybody who knocked at her door. She was always excited to see our latest renovations or the kids' newest work of Art. She would often stop by to play with our kids all the while doing OT types of play with them but making it so much fun they didn't know the difference.

It was this time a year ago that Bea called to tell us she wouldn't be able to join us for our son's birthday dinner & cake as she had since we met. We thought it was odd because she complained of not feeling well and she was rarely sick. It wasn't until she called and begged off for Mother's Day too that we immediately knew something was remiss. I went over after dance class the following day and found her struggling to walk & hold things with her left hand. This was instantly a red flag considering how active & healthy she had always been. We got her appointments with her regular doctor and a Neurologist. When her siblings and nieces & nephews learned of her struggles they came and whisked her off to NY for more doctor visits.

Only to be told that she had terminal Cancer (Brain, Lung, Bone) and to put her affairs in order. Her family didn't know she had already done just that when she had some Basal Cell Carcinomas removed from her eyelids the winter before her diagnosis. I remember thinking when she asked me to come & witness some of the changes with her Attorney that something must be wrong. When I asked her she kept things upbeat and simply said I'm not getting any younger and told me I had other more important things to worry about & changed the subject.
She asked to return home to her cozy cottage on the water where she had spent her married life with her husband. It was a tiny, storybook like cottage they had lovingly surrounded with beautiful flowers and religious figures. It was a place you could escape to and watch the boats go by and listen to the waves.

Her family was all hours away so my husband & I did all we could to help her. We got her things to make her more comfortable. We called and asked old friends to come & visit her and the people just flocked to her door. They would tell us how Bea was tireless in her work as an OT for Special Needs children. Or how she helped them get sober or to find God. Each week we drove her to her doctor's appointments & Cancer center visits and as she endured pain & discomfort she never forgot to thank each person as they finished giving her a Cat scan or fitting her for a Radiation mask. We were meant to help her on her journey back to God; it was a good thing we did because her family didn't know she was Diabetic or had had those Carcinomas removed.

There were frantic calls in the middle of the night when she was disoriented and then one fateful night a call that she'd been taken to the hospital. I kissed my sleeping babies & left them in my husband's care as I made frantic calls to alert all of the family members, friends and her Clergy on the way to the hospital. She had a list of people she wanted called to be with her and her area in the ER was packed with neighbors, Priests, Deacons, some of the family members who were closest.

It was that night we were informed of her Do Not Resuscitate order. There were Clergy there from every church in the area and we all prayed for a quick return to her God she so loved. It was as though she was waiting for others to come & say good bye before she left us. It was a calm, peaceful passing as she quietly stopped breathing and had a peaceful smile on her face. The funeral home, church and reception afterwards were packed and each person had another story to tell of how Bea had impacted their lives. She was loved so dearly by so many.

Its hard to believe she died almost a year ago already because her memory and her love are still so fresh in our hearts. My life has been touched by an Angel and I am a better person as a result. I hope to someday have had the same kind of influence on as many people's lives as our Angel Bea did.

Happy Mother's Day........

Mother's Day can be so many things for so many people.
It can be about loss, disappointment, love, anticipation and
just pure joy. Loss if you've ever lost a child or had a miscarriage
and disappointment for the moms-to-be who struggle to become
pregnant. I often think of how blessed I've been for these last
5 years of Mother's Days to have my beautiful children to make
me one of the lucky ones who can celebrate this day.

It also reminds me to pray for those moms in my life who
know loss and disappointment and may be feeling a bit sad.
I pray for the people who have already lost their mom or a child.
I pray for those people I know who are trying so hard to become
moms themselves. I pray that my daughter will also know the
joy of motherhood one day too. Then I always thank God for
My Mom, My Grandmothers, my "Aunt Connie" and my sister;
who all taught me how to be a good mom. They taught me to
love even when you're exhausted and feel like you have nothing
left. Every day they were/are examples of sacrifice for their
families and especially children; who bolster my spirits when I
need it most.

Mother's Day for me also often means a birthday. This year it
was my birthday but other years its my sister's or father's
birthdays in our family. My mom has always been such a good
sport about sharing her special day with us all over the years.
She would bake cherry chip cakes for me, or pies for my dad.
We would go out for dinner, stay home & BBQ and many years
we all met up with my Aunts, Uncles and Cousins to celebrate
with my Grandmas too.

I was pregnant with our daughter one year and 18 months
later brought our son home just in time for Mother's Day. I can
still remember the breeze in my hair as we carried our son in the
house and I wrapped my arms around my tiny daughter. I was
nervous, excited and so thankful all at once. I looked at my mom
and she too had tears of joy in her eyes and could probably think
back to a similar Mother's Day with a newborn baby in her arms
all those years ago.

This year was the quietest and one of the nicest Mother's Days
I've ever had. I didn't have to get all dressed up and got out for
dinner. I didn't have to iron everyone else's outfits & get them all
ready to go either. I stayed in bed and read the paper (ahh current
events) and drank my coffee while my family wrapped my gifts
& got breakfast ready. I loved listening to the excited giggles as
my "babies" helped Daddy get everything all ready. My most
favorite part of the day was that I got some of those memory
making, cherish forever types of gifts that the kids made me at
school. Picture frames, handmade cards, handmade giftwrap
& stationary along with romantic, thoughtful & even a funny
card too from the man who made me a mother.

Happy Mother's Day ladies! We're all blessed in our own ways.

A parent's worry.

When you haven't had your own kids yet you don't completely
understand how much people love their children. You wonder
about those people who don't get divorced because of the kids
and say to your other single friends "I'd never stay" and they
all nod. You can't understand how people just stop making time
for themselves and they give everything to their kids. Again,
you & your single friends all agree you'll still go to the spa every
month & never forget to make time for yourself. That you would
still be well versed in current events and read all the newest
books. You also just can't REALLY understand why your mom
STILL worries about you.....at your age. LOL

Then you take that test, see those pink lines & go for the
confirmation ultrasound. The thrill of knowing that you're
creating life is such an amazing feeling & you fall in love immediately!!!
You see that tiny heart beat in that little sac of cells & you just
know they'll be the next Nobel Peace Prize winner or something
equally as terrific!! Suddenly, you're a parent & the worrying starts.
You worry about how much folic acid to take, if you should take
more vitamins since you have terrible morning sickness & they
exited your system as quickly as they entered. You worry about
c-sections, Strep B, Vitamin K shots, nursery colors and nobody tells
you that's nothing compared to what comes next. All of the other
parents want you to join their club so they never let on until after
the sperm has met the egg that you worry every day of your kids'
lives. What the parents of Special Needs children quickly learn is
that you have even more things to worry about than other parents.

You worry if your child is getting enough therapies, if they're being
socialized enough, if they'll regress while school is out before
extended school year starts. Then its what types of things
(dyes, lactose, etc) provoke behaviors or bring on bouts of GI
upset. How to set up a Special Needs trust in case you get run
over by a bus tomorrow. I worry my son will wander and get
hit by a car, taken by a stranger or worse drown in our front
yard!!!! I find myself losing sleep sometimes because of the
worries but each day just try and remember that God has
given me this child because he has faith that I can do it.

I remember as a little girl my mom was the school nurse at
our local ARC and sometimes we would go there. We were
always taught tolerance so we didn't think anything of playing
with the students there. We would see them at our church or
out in the community. They were always so happy to see my
mom & us that they'd run over and give us hugs & say hi.
My mom used to say that God gave the special needs kids
faces of angels because once you look into their kind, gentle,
loving eyes nobody could refuse them help. I often find
myself praying that people feel that way when they look
into my sweet boy's face. Its a constant worry that people
might be mean to him because he can't talk. I already hear
my courageous, feisty daughter defending her brother
when other kids say he's dumb he can't talk. It makes
me so proud that she's not afraid to stand up for him
even when her friends may think he's different or not
as good as them.

As a mom you always want to rush in & fix the hurts,
boo boos and take their pain upon yourself to spare
them. Now that our daughter is going to Preschool;
I hear stories of the teasing and it saddens me to
think that all this time since I was a 5 year old; kids
are the same. If somebody's different single them out
& taunt them. My daughter doesn't see any differences.
She doesn't know anything other than if they're nice
to me then I will play with them. It doesn't matter if
they're from the wrong side of the tracks, a different
religion, race........nope she's just looking for some nice
kids to play with & have some fun. My beautiful,
sweet hearted daughter isn't afraid of befriending
any child.

Her depth of character and compassion at 5 is inspiring!
She always has a kind, encouraging word for each person
she encounters and its my sincere hope that her spirit will
be infectious. Each day she inspires a new kind of pride in
my heart as I watch her grow into an even more loving
& caring individual who stands fast in the face of peer
pressure.