What a beautiful day.........

The weather was the best its been yet this Spring today on
the Jersey Shore. We enjoyed ourselves being together &
getting outside for much of the day. Naps came after hours
of giggles & squeals of glee about the sand & water table being
filled up. My husband & I got a bunch of stuff done outside &
around the yard so it was a A+ day all around here.

It was also a beautiful day for another reason too.......my
son is making strides lately. He had the week after Easter
off so we did a Yeast/Candida die off, changed him to Almond
milk and started a new probiotic at the same time. Last year
around the same time we started getting great results after
introducing Fish Oils & B vitamins. Its Easter a time of fresh
starts & rebirth right? So I figured why not! We all said our
prayers & jumped in head first.

I've said before it was almost like somebody turned off my
son's bright light when he was injured by the MMR. Can I
just tell you that now its more like somebody put it on a
dimmer switch & it just got turned up a notch. My son is
more engaging than ever now. He's seeking out company
again and can be seen hugging & kissing all the people he
recognizes. He's seeking out eye contact & holding our
gazes while giving us a nice big social smile too. My sweet
boy is even starting to do funny things like his sister does
and stopping to wait for us to laugh & he joins in too. My
heart is feeling like it could overflow now as I'm blogging
about it.

Tears came to my eyes & my 5 1/2 year old daughter
came over & said what's wrong and Will was right behind
her with a kiss & rub on the back for mommy too. All of you
other parents of Autistic children know what a HUGE DEAL
this all is for us. We sent him back to school & everybody
noticed the change. He has been eating everything in sight
lately which isn't unusual but normally he just wants to eat
junk or only one or two things. Suddenly, he'll eat anything
on his plate. Even if he doesn't eat it all he'll try it now; this
is a profound change for William. I scared the heck out of
him the other night when he ate Peas cause I whooped so
loud. LOL

He's also being a much better listener about 85% of
the time. That's huge because we used to have to ask
him not to do something several times or make him comply.
Now he does it on the first time asked. I'm starting to
wonder if my daughter wouldn't benefit from the same
things in her diet too. LOL Does anyone know if Omega 3
is good for sassiness? All joking aside; most Autistic kids
struggle with GI issues at various points of their lives.
Will had terrible issues & things just seemed to run out
of him. Not now!!! He's even getting back to normal for
that kind of stuff again too which wasn't ever a problem
prior to his vaccination injury. The smell is terrible but
I'm attributing it to the fact that his system is flushing
the toxins out and if it wasn't bad for him then it wouldn't
smell so bad either.

Its a beautiful day!

I asked for some feedback from some people & someone told me

they felt my blog was negative. Our William is a blessing Autism

or not. He's taught me patience & perseverance while also raising

me up to a higher level than I ever thought possible for myself.

Its been 2 years since Will was diagnosed but I won't deny that

I didn't feel discouraged, scared, unprepared, guilty (like I did

something wrong or ate the wrong thing) at first. I was nervous

that I wasn't a strong enough person to raise a Special Needs

Child. I'm okay with saying that out loud.



I'm not perfect and its not always easy guiding our son through

this journey but God has entrusted this Angel to me & I will do

all I can for as long as it takes. I'm thankful each day that I've

met the kind, generous, experienced fellow warriors that I have

already. They bolster me up & renew my faith in the possibilities.



Upon Will's diagnosis, my husband & I went through our

individual struggles with wrapping our minds around what it

meant for Will & our family as a whole. I don't think there's

anything wrong with admitting your true feelings so that

others can better understand that how they're feeling is also

okay & acceptable. I've never been one of those moms that

made it seem as though there wasn't a thing I didn't love

about motherhood either. I'm honest. Hey you know what....

sometimes its not always fun having an audience while you

try to visit the rest room. I think that's true for most moms

& I'm okay saying that too.



Personally, I think its negative when I hear about families out

there not doing all that they can to help their kids. I read, research,

ask other parents and seek out any and all experts I can find.

I don't think its negative that I helped several parents in my

daughter's Preschool class exempt their kids from vaccinations;

or that I'm not shy about sharing our story & introducing my son

to new people so we can help foster education & tolerance. I won't

deny either that its a concern of mine that our "typical" child will

feel left out or become too much of a caretaker as she gets older.

I try to channel her desire to help into the pursuit of a dream of

becoming a Doctor or Therapist. She vacillates between being a

Veterinarian & "an Autism Doctor". Heck maybe she could be the

Vet for a barn full of Hippotherapy horses when she grows up.



This blogging thing is all new to me but I felt like I had experienced

something people could connect with and learn from just as I have

from the more experienced parents of Autistic & "typical" children.

We've started trying more biomedical interventions to go along with

PECS, OT, PT and Speech. If funds were unlimited then we'd be

doing Hippotherapy, B12 shots, HBOT, GFCF diets, etc. Funds

are limited but we're also working on that and Will is going to have

what he needs.



I hope you'll come back again as I share Will's story with you &

let you see what works for our family. Maybe another family

could also be helped in the process too.

How I learned to take more things in stride.....

Sure when you're a mom you start taking alot more things in
stride as a right of passage. You get spit up on, tinkled on & you
just never know when you could have a glob of something on your
shirt or in your hair. When our kids were babies they were spotless.
If they got messy I wiped them off, changed their clothes or "spit
shined" them quickly when nobody was looking. Their little outfits
matched much of the time once we had Will.

Now that our son was vaccination injured & diagnosed with
Regressive Autism that's all gone out the window. My life used to
be much more Martha Stewart"ish than it is now. We had nice things
looking pretty set all around the house, framed photos, beautiful live
plants flourished and things were so organized. Our beds were made
& laundry all folded nicely in everyone's drawers.

Will is the anti-organizer. If I fold it, he unfolds it. If I make the
bed he messes it up over & over.....he loves that game. I find
Geotrax guys buried in my plants after I drag Will & our cat out
of them. There used to be a day when I would not let people in my
house if the dishes weren't done. At this point my feeling is love
me mess & all. I know it makes my mom & my sister uneasy when
they see it. My husband still remembers the Martha Stewart days
& believes in his heart they'll come back.

Martha does struggle to get back in the door for every holiday
but the anti-organizer arrives & then it gets interesting. LOL Will
likes to undecorate the Christmas tree as fast as we decorate it. I
think so far one of my favorite mommy moments with him is seeing
his chubby cheeks stuffed full of Christmas cookies and hands covered
in icing as he helped himself to a snack and danced to the Christmas
carols his sister loves to listen to year round.

The best part about learning to take things in stride is the
realization that my kids will only be little for such a short time.
They won't remember if the house was spotless, their hair neatly
brushed or the laundry Clorox clean; they'll remember if I played
with them. My daughter loves to have me tell her Princess tales & my
handsome son loves it when I crazy dance with him. The belly laughs
I hear from him as I spin him fast make all the sleepless nights &
worrying about him all worth it. Feeling my daughter's tiny hand in
mine as we walk along "finding nature" will warm my heart on all of
those evenings she's not speaking to me as a teenager.

Why isn't there a welcome to Autism Packet?

Hi and Welcome to Autism! When my son was diagnosed with
Regressive Autism; I really felt as though there should have
been somebody like Julie McCoy from the Love Boat to usher
us into this new community & let us know what activities we
had scheduled. Developmental Intervention party of 2, ABA
party of 5 your tables are ready!!! Little did I know what I
really had ahead of me when the insensitive evaluator said as
her parting comment, "well at least now he'll qualify for the
Handicapped Preschool".

Initially, I felt like I wanted to run out into our quiet street
and yell that's the best you've got for me? You're the "expert"
and that's all you have to offer. Thankfully since that day our
family of 4 has been sent numerous angels to help us through
our journey on this crazy cruise. I won't lie to you either some
days it feels more like we're on that fateful 3 hour tour from
Gilligan's Island fame.

My precious Angel's name is Will. Will is going to be 4 this May
and has been diagnosed for almost two years now. William
arrived on Cinco De Mayo with great expectations from his
sister who turned 18 months old that same day. He was a
chubby faced, snuggly baby whose blond hair shone like a halo
as he camped at my breast. He weighed 10 pounds, measured
22" long and had 2 teeth. Yes, teeth!!! Our family was complete
and now my husband and I were living the American
Dream. Or so we thought until one cold day in December
of 2006!!!

Will hit his milestones and was developing normally according
to all the scales & the books. He was a loving, social, happy boy
and each time he smiled up into our faces we knew we were
blessed. When he was 18 months old he got sick for the first time
ever with an ear infection. It took two rounds of antibiotics to
clear it up. When we went back to the Pediatrician they said lets
get him caught up on some of his shots since his ear is all clear. I
had been going slow with vaccinations for both kids since learning
of other kids who were vaccination injured. I had told them I didn't
want an MMR until he was 3. It was on his chart in RED!!!!!!!!!

Megan (our daughter) was running through the office & I was
trying to catch her while the nurse & Pediatrician gave William an
MMR shot because they had it in stock. At first, I was angry that
they gave him the shot while I was chasing Megan around the
office. Then I was furious!!!!!!!!!!!!

I remember hearing his cry from out in the waiting room & knowing
in my gut that it wasn't the same kind of distress cry. Moms need
to listen to their instincts and not let other people make them feel
silly for it. He screamed & cried all the way home and on and off
for hours that whole night. When I called the Pediatrician she told
me he needed some Tylenol and would be fine. The next day this
other child was in William's place and that child lost all of his words
he'd already learned. I'll never forget that day or the sinking feeling
in the pit of my stomach when I lifted my angel out of his bed. The
realization that my angel was gone slowly sunk in as he didn't turn
to us with his chubby cheeked smile when we said his name or how
he stopped running to the door to see who was there. He had a blank
stare and it was as if somebody had turned out his bright light. That
same Pediatrician insisted William was just being eclipsed by his
talkative older sister and I shouldn't worry. Others insisted he was
a late talker (he had already been talking) and countless others
tried to ease my mommy guilt by reassuring me he was okay and
his ears needed to be checked after that bad ear infection. I had
his ears checked and they were fine.

Will lost interest in many of the things he'd loved previously
and didn't seem to know how to play with his friends anymore.
He was a boy that weighed 10 pounds at birth and always had a
very healthy appetite until he was vaccination injured. He hardly
eats anything now and can't even have fun stuff like ice cream
anymore because it makes his symptoms worse. We never, ever
returned to that Pediatrician & some days I wish I could bump
into her out in the store as people are telling me I'm a bad
parent because my child is overwhelmed by all the noise &
lights and not behaving appropriately in their opinions.


I went against that Pediatrician's suggestions and called Early
Intervention. I put William into a research study just in case
so I could circumvent the 18 month long waiting list at the
Developmental Pediatrician. We got the diagnosis of Regressive
Autism. That Developmental Pediatrician served me the blow
of my lifetime when she told me my son had one of the worst
cases of Regressive Autism she'd ever seen and so it began.

The thoughtless words from other people that feel like sucker
punches to my stomach. The thoughtless people that think its
okay to approach you in the store and tell you that bad parenting
is the reason my child acts like he does sometimes when we go
into a store that overwhelms him. Or the other people that say
"oh its genetics".....maybe it is but do I thoughtlessly point
that out to you when you tell me your loved one has Cancer?


When you learn of the impending birth of a new baby as parents
we all have such dreams for them. The sports, trips, activities,
colleges, weddings & Grandchildren of your own that you dream
of for them. Suddenly when you hear Autism all of those dreams
shatter all around you and its just you & your family left to pick
up the pieces & figure out if any of its possible for them anymore.
For me, it translates into not knowing for sure if I'll ever hear
my beautiful Angel say his own name or even I love you mommy.



Welcome aboard.......we've been expecting you.

Hi....I'm new here.

I've been cautious about blogging until now. I was worried I
wouldn't be funny enough, informative enough or interesting
enough. Then I decided what the heck I have nothing to lose
and a lot of the stuff that happens in our everyday lives is
pretty funny sometimes.

We have had days when our son wouldn't keep his clothes on
and we'd see a naked little white butt streaking through the
living room. Or he'd be climbing the grids in our old divided
light windows while naked......did I mention it was an 11X15
window on the front of our house and we used to live on the
corner so everyone could see him coming and going. LOL I'm
sure our neighbors would tell people to take a left at the naked
boy in the window on the yellow house while giving directions.
We would just laugh to ourselves after signing for no and putting
his clothes back on again. It’s never boring!!! Especially those
days that he digs in my plants, tries to escape the house or
flushes the potty 20 times an hour now that he's finally potty
training.

Then, I have my days like yesterday when my son melted down
in the Orthopedist's waiting room as the reception staff complained
about the noise & some mom of "typical" kids glared at me. Trust
me if I could have gotten him to stop head butting me, pinching me
or screaming I would have done it. Thankfully my husband was able
to join us at the doctor's appointment & helped me get him settled
down. I did wish for one of those scrolling LED displays above my
head that said sorry he has a difficult time waiting 2 hours in a
waiting room now that he has Regressive Autism after being
vaccination injured by the MMR.

I'm sure prior to having my own kids I passed a judgmental glance
or two myself. I just want to offer any of those parents where ever
they are now my apologies just in case they were walking a mile in
my shoes before I ever even filled them. Its all of those pioneers
that haven't given up and haven't stopped looking for something
that can help our kids that have made it better for kids like mine
now as a Preschooler. I applaud all of you parents for not giving up!!
I know its not easy & you often sacrifice all that you are for your
children. Thank you.